I wasn’t stuck in my head.
I wasn’t overthinking every second.
I was there, in the moment, aware of how I felt and comfortable enough to respond to it.
I felt comfortable.
I felt safe.
I felt in control.
And that made all the difference.
Now, sex is something I associate with positivity. It’s something that brings happiness, connection, and excitement—not anxiety or fear. That shift didn’t happen overnight, but it happened because I took the time to understand what I needed and what I deserved.
And that understanding changed everything.
If I could go back and speak to my younger self, I would tell her to wait.
Not because there’s a “right age” or a strict timeline, but because readiness matters more than anything else. I would tell her that it’s okay to say no, to take things slow, and to prioritize her own comfort above everything else.
I would tell her that she deserves to feel safe.
That she deserves to feel heard.
And that her experience matters just as much as anyone else’s.
I would tell her that there is no rush.
No deadline.
No expectation that is more important than her own well-being.
Far too often, young women feel pressure to go through the motions—to prioritize someone else’s desires, to meet expectations, or to avoid disappointing a partner. But that mindset overlooks something essential.
Your needs matter.
Your comfort matters.
Your pleasure matters.
And it’s okay—necessary, even—to be “selfish” enough to demand those things.
Because being “selfish” in this context isn’t about taking from others—it’s about not abandoning yourself.
It’s about recognizing that your body, your emotions, and your experiences deserve respect.
And that respect starts with you.
