And that her experience matters just as much as anyone else’s.
I would tell her that there is no rush.
No deadline.
No expectation that is more important than her own well-being.
Far too often, young women feel pressure to go through the motions—to prioritize someone else’s desires, to meet expectations, or to avoid disappointing a partner. But that mindset overlooks something essential.
Your needs matter.
Your comfort matters.
Your pleasure matters.
And it’s okay—necessary, even—to be “selfish” enough to demand those things.
Because being “selfish” in this context isn’t about taking from others—it’s about not abandoning yourself.
It’s about recognizing that your body, your emotions, and your experiences deserve respect.
And that respect starts with you.
Because at the end of the day, experiences like this shape how we view ourselves, our bodies, and our relationships. They can either create confidence or uncertainty, empowerment or doubt.
And that’s why conversations like this are so important.
Because the more we talk openly, honestly, and without judgment, the more we create space for better experiences—for safer, healthier, and more positive connections.
We normalize the reality.
We remove the shame.
We replace silence with understanding.
And in doing so, we help others avoid the same confusion, the same fear, the same feeling of being unprepared.
No one should have to learn the hard way.
