After examining me using a cystoscope, one of them explained what had happened. “You have a tear on both your vaginal walls,” she said calmly. She explained that it could have been caused by penetration that was too rough, or because I wasn’t physically ready—meaning I wasn’t properly aroused or relaxed. That explanation stayed with me. It made me realize how little I had understood about my own body and what it actually needs to feel safe and comfortable.
To control the bleeding, they decided to use gauze packing. By that point, I had been bleeding for over three hours and had soaked through more than ten sanitary pads—even doubling them up didn’t help. Oddly enough, despite all of that, not a single drop had stained my jeans. It felt almost absurd, like my body was going through chaos while the outside still looked normal.
