“I know Ivy is yours.”
“I know you know that now.”
She adjusted the baby’s blanket.
“But you’re still looking at her like you’re trying to understand what Willie saw.”
I swallowed.
“Then help me understand it.”
Claire nodded slowly.
“Robert gave me the money for rent and groceries. I asked him not to tell anyone. I was ashamed.”
“And Ivy?”
“I had nobody to leave her with. Mom was with Willie, so I brought her.”
“And Robert held her.”
Tears filled Claire’s eyes.
“I’d never seen him like that.”
She paused.
“Then Ivy started crying, and he asked if he could hold her.”
My throat tightened.
“And you let him?”
“Of course.”
She looked down at her daughter.
“The second I put her in his arms, he just… broke.”
Claire briefly pressed her cheek to Ivy’s hair.
“He kept saying Claudia’s name. He kept saying Claudia and Ivy were supposed to grow up together.”
I stared at the baby.
Two cousins.
Two birthday cakes.
Two backpacks beside a door.
A future we had imagined before either girl could even hold up her head.
“And you let him?”
I looked away.
“He didn’t do anything wrong with Ivy, Mel.”
“I know.”
Willie had connected two separate events because he was frightened and only eight.
But Claire still wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“He didn’t do anything wrong.”
“What happened after Robert gave Ivy back?”
Claire hesitated.
“Mel…”
“No.”
My voice hardened.
“I’ve had enough people choosing which truth I’m allowed to hear.”
Her eyes filled.
“Robert needs to tell you.”
“Then give me the question I need to ask.”
Claire looked down at Ivy.
Finally, she whispered:
“Ask him if he said goodbye to Claudia.”
I drove home in silence.
Fifteen minutes later, I walked through the front door.
Robert stood as soon as he saw me.
“Did you hold Claudia?”
He froze.
“Yes.”
I grabbed the back of a chair.
“How long?”
He wiped his face.
“Maybe 20 minutes.”
“How long?”
“Twenty minutes.”
Twenty minutes.
More time than I had ever gotten.
“What did she look like?”
Robert began crying.
My throat tightened.
“What did our daughter look like?”
“Mel…”
“I don’t know her face, Robert.”
He lowered his head.
“She had your mouth.”
His voice broke.
“And the shape of your eyes.”
I pressed my fist against my lips.
He stepped toward me.
“Don’t.”
He stopped.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were still in surgery when they asked if I wanted to see her.”
He wiped his cheeks.
“It was too late, but they thought maybe…”
“And you said yes.”
“I couldn’t let her go without one of her parents holding her.”
The words hurt because I understood them.
“Then why did you tell me you hadn’t seen her?”
He stared at the floor.
“When you woke up, you were confused. You were in pain. I thought if I told you…”
“You thought what?”
“That you’d want every detail.”
“I did.”
His face crumpled.
“I was terrified it would destroy you.”
I stared at him.
“You asked if she was already gone.”
“I thought if I told you…”
“And what did you tell me?”
He fell silent.
“I said yes.”
My stomach dropped.
“Was she?”
Robert didn’t answer.
“Robert.”
He finally looked at me.
“Could I still have seen her?”
“Yes.”
I stepped away.
“Then you didn’t just hide your goodbye from me.”
My voice shook.
“You took mine.”
He closed his eyes.
“What exactly did you protect me from, Robert?”
I could barely speak.
“I woke up with milk for a baby who wasn’t here. I can’t walk past her nursery.”
His face crumpled.
“I made the wrong choice.”
“You made it again every day you kept lying.”
He sat down.
“I made the wrong choice.”
I remained standing.
“Did they give you anything? Any keepsakes?”
Silence.
“Robert.”
He said nothing.
“What did they give you?”
“A card.”
“Where?”
His eyes moved toward the stairs.
“Go get it.”
A moment later, he returned with a small envelope.
He placed it between us on the table.
“You’ve had this for two weeks?”
“Yes.”
“Do you look at it?”
His face folded.
“Every night.”
While I had been upstairs trying to remember whether Claudia had made a sound, Robert had spent every night looking at something that belonged to her.
I opened the envelope.
Inside was a small card bearing two tiny footprints.
For a moment, I couldn’t process their size.
Tiny heels.
Tiny toes.
