“I haven’t asked for anything.”
She laughed.
“That’s what women like you always say.”
I felt my face burn.
“What exactly do you think I married your father for?”
She didn’t hesitate.
“Money.”
The word hung between us.
I wanted to deny it.
I wanted to tell her that Russell had become important to me.
That he made me laugh.
That he listened.
That I loved the way he remembered small details about things I’d told him months earlier.
But there was an uncomfortable truth.
Money had been part of the attraction.
How could I pretend otherwise?
For the first time in years, I wasn’t afraid of my bank account.
I lived in a warm, beautiful house.
I could buy groceries without calculating every item.
I could replace a broken appliance without wondering which bill I would have to postpone.
Financial security felt intoxicating.
And that made my feelings for Russell harder to understand.
Was I with him because I loved him?
Because I needed him?
Because I wanted his money?
Or because, somehow, all three things had become tangled together?
## Russell Knew What They Thought
His children weren’t subtle.
Neither were some of his friends.
There were whispers at dinners.
Comments made just loudly enough for me to hear.
People assumed I was waiting for him to die.
I pretended not to notice.
Russell noticed everything.
One evening, after Claire had made another cutting remark, I finally apologized to him.
“I’m sorry.”
He looked confused.
“For what?”
“Your children hate me.”
“They don’t hate you.”
“They think I’m using you.”
Russell smiled.